Jostling, jeering and jabbering

Hey, I have a question. Why does it always have to be the Bhutto/Zardari children who get to visit China? This truly hurts my feelings sometimes. I mean, what's wrong with my children? Why don't they ever get to fly a free flight to China? Trust me, my children are a good-looking lot too. They photograph very well, are entirely Pakistani, come from a lineage of taxpaying ancestors and, to top it all, one of them even looks Chinese! I am sure if somebody could teach them how to eat with chopsticks, they would literally shine in China. Don't you think it is a matter of human rights here? The VIP children are regular globe-trotters, whereas my poor kids haven't even seen the Karachi airport. Tusk tusk, and I thought we were a democracy.

Please don't think I have anything against the Bhutto children. Those of us who have grown up on Benazir Bhutto's politics, and find her life struggle hopelessly romantic, have sure followed the aspect of her life called motherhood. O sure we love the Bhutto/Zardari trio. Who wouldn't who has a heart? We still well up every time we see the baby pictures. But as BB's voters, what we sure don't understand is what exactly young Bilawal was doing sitting next to President Obama, or why his picture once appeared next to the Quaid's on a billboard, or why Asifa appears on a polio vaccine advertisement.

Hey, I have a question. When are they going to find something for Bakhtawar?

But then a very strong argument is: who cares? This seems to be a pretty weighty argument around here, this 'who cares?' business. Especially when there is so much going on inside the country, who really cares what the VIP kids clap at in China, or which governor they endorse on a billboard? The only people who care are the agents of the establishment, namely the J for journalists, constantly conspiring to discredit the government 24/7.

Hey, I have a question. Who was trying to discredit the government in the US when the Obama girls planned that trip to Indonesia along with their daddy? Although the trip was official with some tracing of familial roots thrown in, and was later cancelled; yet we did hear something that sounded like taxpayers' expense!

But then this is Pakistan where since time immemorial there has been a tradition of grooming the VIP children to become future leaders. So it is grooming that is happening in China these days. Hey, I have a question. Since it is OK to groom one's kith and kin while on job doing business for the country, what is wrong with Shahid Afridi's children? Why don't we allow him to groom his children on the field and rid ourselves of the cricket board? The only thing he will have to do is give them a cricket ball to chew, tie a blindfold around their heads, and let them loose around the field. The more they run around clueless, dropping catches, munching balls, and hurting their fingernails or earlobes, the more they will be groomed for the future of cricket in Pakistan.

You know, this suggestion of mine is quite a hit in the Punjab Assembly. All the MPs have decided to do some grooming and brooming while on job. The strategy is three 'J'ayed; focusing on the art and craft of jostling, jeering and jabbering. The learners can take notes if they want to. The only condition is that they will have to spell their journals with a G.

Or was it generals with a J? Hey, wait a minute, I have a question…

Jostling, jeering and jabbering

Hey, I have a question. Why does it always have to be the Bhutto/Zardari children who get to visit China? This truly hurts my feelings sometimes. I mean, what's wrong with my children? Why don't they ever get to fly a free flight to China? Trust me, my children are a good-looking lot too. They photograph very well, are entirely Pakistani, come from a lineage of taxpaying ancestors and, to top it all, one of them even looks Chinese! I am sure if somebody could teach them how to eat with chopsticks, they would literally shine in China. Don't you think it is a matter of human rights here? The VIP children are regular globe-trotters, whereas my poor kids haven't even seen the Karachi airport. Tusk tusk, and I thought we were a democracy.

Please don't think I have anything against the Bhutto children. Those of us who have grown up on Benazir Bhutto's politics, and find her life struggle hopelessly romantic, have sure followed the aspect of her life called motherhood. O sure we love the Bhutto/Zardari trio. Who wouldn't who has a heart? We still well up every time we see the baby pictures. But as BB's voters, what we sure don't understand is what exactly young Bilawal was doing sitting next to President Obama, or why his picture once appeared next to the Quaid's on a billboard, or why Asifa appears on a polio vaccine advertisement.

Hey, I have a question. When are they going to find something for Bakhtawar?

But then a very strong argument is: who cares? This seems to be a pretty weighty argument around here, this 'who cares?' business. Especially when there is so much going on inside the country, who really cares what the VIP kids clap at in China, or which governor they endorse on a billboard? The only people who care are the agents of the establishment, namely the J for journalists, constantly conspiring to discredit the government 24/7.

Hey, I have a question. Who was trying to discredit the government in the US when the Obama girls planned that trip to Indonesia along with their daddy? Although the trip was official with some tracing of familial roots thrown in, and was later cancelled; yet we did hear something that sounded like taxpayers' expense!

But then this is Pakistan where since time immemorial there has been a tradition of grooming the VIP children to become future leaders. So it is grooming that is happening in China these days. Hey, I have a question. Since it is OK to groom one's kith and kin while on job doing business for the country, what is wrong with Shahid Afridi's children? Why don't we allow him to groom his children on the field and rid ourselves of the cricket board? The only thing he will have to do is give them a cricket ball to chew, tie a blindfold around their heads, and let them loose around the field. The more they run around clueless, dropping catches, munching balls, and hurting their fingernails or earlobes, the more they will be groomed for the future of cricket in Pakistan.

You know, this suggestion of mine is quite a hit in the Punjab Assembly. All the MPs have decided to do some grooming and brooming while on job. The strategy is three 'J'ayed; focusing on the art and craft of jostling, jeering and jabbering. The learners can take notes if they want to. The only condition is that they will have to spell their journals with a G.

Or was it generals with a J? Hey, wait a minute, I have a question…

UN report on Benazir

THE government’s reaction to the report of the United Nations Commission on Ms Benazir Bhutto’s murder, as expressed in a letter to the UN Secretary General, is surprisingly negative considering that the PPP had virtually based its post-murder election campaign on the holding of a UN enquiry into the murder. The President himself, who had been made a widower by the murder, had called for the UN enquiry. The enquiry itself, by a Commission headed by Chiles former UN ambassador Geraldo Munoz, was obtained only after great effort and with the country bearing all the expenses.

Just because the Commission did not play the role of an echo chamber, and reflect the government’s views, should not be the reason for such a rejection. The reasons given all reflect precisely the findings of the Commission that caused the greatest controversy when the report was made. The Foreign Minister’s letter defends the official agencies which the Commission had pointed at, including the intelligence agencies, as well as the PPP individuals responsible for Ms Bhutto’s security, including those who have not just been included in the Federal Cabinet, but are characterised as being virtual representatives of the President.
Another reason given for the rejection of the report, implied by the strong criticism of the report by the Foreign Minister, is the Commission’s failure to question foreign heads of state, including Afghan President Hamid Karzai. The letter also says that Pakistan refuses to be bound by any of the Commission’s findings. The only states with an animus against Pakistan sufficient to use the findings against it are India and the USA, both of which are unduly favoured by the present

government.
Before sending the letter, the PPP should have thought about its next step, now that its main plank in the 2009 election turned out to be a damp squib. If the Commission report does not lead to the arrest of the guilty, then what will. And that too with the PPP in power?